Short funny quotes about life:
- “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
- “I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” – Chandler Bing, Friends
- “I have a memory like an elephant. In fact, elephants often consult me.” – Noel Coward
- “I can resist anything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde
- “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown
- “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.” – Unknown
- “I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving energy.” – Unknown
- “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
- “I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not sure.” – Unknown
- “I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.” – Rodney Dangerfield
Short funny quotes about work:
- “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown
- “I have a job, and I’m not afraid to use it.” – Unknown
- “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb
- “I’m not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.” – Unknown
- “I have a job to maintain my lavish lifestyle.” – Unknown
- “The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary.” – Vidal Sassoon
- “I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.” – Unknown
- “I’m not a morning person, I’m a coffee person.” – Unknown
- “I work well under pressure, provided that the pressure is not too intense.” – Unknown
- “I don’t always love my job, but I love having money.” – Unknown
Short funny quotes about love:
- “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
- “Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably crap.” – Unknown
- “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” – Charles M. Schulz
- “Love is a lot like a backache: it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” – George Burns
- “Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions.” – Woody Allen
- “I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.” – Unknown
- “Love is not having to hold your farts in anymore.” – Unknown
- “I love you like a fat kid loves cake.” – 50 Cent
- “Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.” – Cathy Carlyle
- “Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” – Natasha Leggero
Short funny quotes about change:
- “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown
- “Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.” – Charles R. Swindoll Interpretation: Our attitude and response to life’s challenges are what truly determine our happiness and success.
- “Change is inevitable – except from a vending machine.” – Robert C. Gallagher
- “I’m not stubborn, I’m just reluctant to change.” – Unknown
- “I’m not a control freak, I’m a control enthusiast.” – Unknown
- “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. But if it is, try duct tape.” – Unknown
- “I don’t always adapt to change, but when I do, I prefer to do it begrudgingly.” – Unknown
- “I’m not old, I’m just retro.” – Unknown
- “The only constant in life is change, but some people still wear socks with sandals.” – Unknown
- “I’m not against change, I’m just not sure I can handle it twice in one week.” – Unknown
- “I’m not afraid of change, I just don’t like to leave my comfort zone.” – Unknown
Short funny quotes about freezing weather:
I couldn’t resist as I am resistant of cold haha!
- “I need a six-month vacation twice a year.” – Unknown
- “I like my coffee like I like my weather – warm and predictable.” – Unknown
- “I’m not a morning person, especially on winter mornings when it’s still dark outside.” – Unknown
- “Winter is the season when the whole world tries to keep warm…except for me, I’m still trying to figure out how to put on a scarf.” – Unknown
- “Winter is the only season where I get excited about getting into bed because it’s warmer than my room.” – Unknown
- “I don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows, I just need a thermometer to know how cold it is.” – Unknown
- “I love winter, except for when I have to go outside.” – Unknown
- “I’m not a snowflake, I’m a summer ray of sunshine.” – Unknown
- “I have a love-hate relationship with winter. I love to hate it.” – Unknown
- “I hate winter so much, I’m thinking of moving to the equator.” – Unknown
Short funny wisdom quotes:
- “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right… with the help of some wise words I found on the internet.” – Unknown
- “I don’t always give advice, but when I do, it’s something I read on a fortune cookie.” – Unknown
- “Don’t take life too seriously, nobody gets out alive anyway.” – Unknown
- “If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.” – Unknown
- “Knowledge is power, but a nap is even better.” – Unknown
- “The only way to do great work is to avoid it until the last minute and then panic.” – Unknown
- “Behind every successful person is a substantial amount of coffee.” – Unknown
- “The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” – Unknown
- “If you can’t convince them, confuse them.” – Harry S. Truman
- “The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein
Short funny spiritual quotes:
- “Why pray when you can worry?” – Unknown
- “I’m not arguing with you, I’m just explaining why I’m right… with the help of the Universe, of course.” – Unknown
- “I’m not a morning person, I’m a coffee person, but I’m still grateful for each new day.” – Unknown
- “Letting go is the hardest asana.” – Unknown
- “If at first you don’t succeed, meditate and try again.” – Unknown
- “I don’t always chant ‘Om’, but when I do, I prefer to do it in public places to make people uncomfortable.” – Unknown
- “I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving energy for my spiritual journey.” – Unknown
- “Enlightenment is not just for Buddhists, it’s also for those who can’t sleep at night.” – Unknown
- “I’m not perfect, but I’m perfectly aligned with the Universe.” – Unknown
- “The only thing I’m attached to is my yoga mat.” – Unknown
Additional Short Funny Quotes:
- “I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.” Interpretation: A humorous way of describing a state of rest or inactivity.
- “I’m not arguing, I’m just passionately expressing my opinion.” Interpretation: A witty retort for when someone accuses you of being argumentative.
- “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” Interpretation: A playful jab at the common phrase “I want to be somebody” that encourages us to be more specific in our goals and aspirations.
- “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” Interpretation: A clever way of asserting your opinion without being confrontational.
- “I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving my energy for a future emergency.” Interpretation: A humorous way of describing the need for rest and relaxation in preparation for future challenges.
- “I have a photographic memory, but I always forget to bring the camera.” Interpretation: A comical way of admitting forgetfulness.
- “I put the ‘pro’ in procrastination.” Interpretation: A playful way of admitting to being a procrastinator.
- “I’m not short, I’m just concentrated awesome.” Interpretation: A lighthearted way of owning one’s height.
- “I’m not clumsy, I’m just dancing with gravity.” Interpretation: A humorous way of describing clumsiness as a form of dancing.
- “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right…again.” Interpretation: A funny quip for those who tend to repeat themselves.
- “I’m not a morning person, I’m a coffee person.” Interpretation: A playful way of admitting to needing caffeine to wake up in the morning.
- “I may be a terrible cook, but at least the smoke alarm thinks I’m amazing.” Interpretation: A witty remark for those who struggle in the kitchen.
- “I have a degree in sarcasm.” Interpretation: A humorous way of describing a sarcastic personality.
- “I’m not arguing, I’m just expressing my passionate dislike for your opinion.” Interpretation: A humorous way of disagreeing with someone.
- “I don’t always have a witty comeback, but when I do, I forget it five seconds later.” Interpretation: A self-deprecating joke about forgetfulness.
- “I’m not short, I’m fun-sized.” Interpretation: A playful way of describing one’s height.
- “I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving my energy for more important things.” Interpretation: A humorous way of describing the need for rest and relaxation.
- “I may not have a six-pack, but I have a keg.” Interpretation: A humorous way of poking fun at oneself for not having a muscular physique.
- “I’m not arguing, I’m just debating loudly.” Interpretation: A witty way of describing a heated discussion.
- “I’m not arguing, I’m just passionately disagreeing with you.” Interpretation: A humorous way of disagreeing with someone.
- “I’m not arguing, I’m just expressing my opinion in a loud and confident voice.” Interpretation: A playful way of asserting oneself in a discussion.
- “I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving my energy for a future adventure.” Interpretation: A humorous way of describing the need for rest and relaxation in preparation for future experiences.